XXplorher in topic Seductive Eyes · Edited
I've always felt a strong compulsion for "innocence".
Or, innocence on the verge. Or even, uncorrupted innocence that's due to have a breakthru that might also cost them everything they used to be (and I definitely don't mean that in derogatory terms, it's the dynamic breadth of the scale that intrigues me, I think. The intense melding of allllllllll the prior and post - smashed right into, that moment just before).
And a lot of the time, it's not that moment just before at all. It might just be that I can tell, "She's due for her moment very soon. It's necessary now." And that might be the appearance of some deliciously almost there young thing (assuming she's not so young that I feel icky). Or it might even be a woman in her 20's or 30's who's sheltered herself for whatever reason for far too long. It's not the age that matters so much, it's just far more common that by the time your 40, you've already been... ruined, met that crossroads long ago. So I don't get to view that in your manner. That part that's most omnipotent for me.
And I wonder where that compulsion of mine comes from (incidentally, I very rarely act on it. Probably because I don't want to be the source of ruin, even though I'm just as driven to be her 'savior'). I come from a hella broken family. It's gross and always has been. I'm repulsed by it on many levels. Which has left me a bit of a loner (even though I used to be caught up in the wind of popularity).
I also met infidelity from the very first girl I fell in love with (which happened relatively early in the relationship but I wasn't able to confirm it until months later) and never recovered. I remember suddenly rushing into the shower and scrubbing the shit out of my groin while sobbing hysterically, a day or so after I learned of it. But I couldn't get it off me. And looking back, that was the day I lost my own innocence. That everything I ever believed I could absolutely assure - had already been ruined.
So maybe I see that in a female and believe... 'I need to assure her before it's too late. Before it's all over with. So that WHEN she crosses over. She'll know something certain before that.'
And surely that's just my own ego. I know that. She will encounter and endure whatever is necessary for the path that best challenges her right to live a life of fullfillment. Whatever she "deserves" will be that. I've got little or nothing to do with it. Nevermind my observations.
I should really put a wrap on whatever I'm saying here...
This particular shot. The vast dynamic range of what I see there. There she is, Vulnerability Unbroken - despite all the obvious challenges that lay ahead.
Maybe I'm old enough now that I don't need to "fix it" anymore, or rescue it, pre-empt it, whatever. I caught a kajillion images of brave women of all ages marching in the streets in recent weeks, pounding the drums for the rights of all humanity To Breathe!! And the lot of them, quite honestly, often looked a fuckton more deliberate and emboldened (in various states of brave outrage, fear, physical endurance, even being accosted like a fist to a piece of paper - while remaining resolute in their stance, returning to whatever they meant to defend, unfettered), than the men did.
I'm a very masculine man though not a bully. I'm also borderline misogynist due to my emotionally battered history. And I'm not a fan of the extent to which women appear to feel compelled to "call the shots"; don't quite view that as healthy for us all on the whole. But I will say this:
When you look at a picture like that? You know what it means to be humble. She makes me humble. That right there, is Strength in Vulnerability. Most definitely makes me wanna raise my flag (and I do mean that with a double entendre).
With everything crumbling around us and the tremendous concern as to what lies ahead. If a woman can give us a look like that? Then I don't need to fix nor fury a goddamned thing.
I just need to be with it.
-peace
Or, innocence on the verge. Or even, uncorrupted innocence that's due to have a breakthru that might also cost them everything they used to be (and I definitely don't mean that in derogatory terms, it's the dynamic breadth of the scale that intrigues me, I think. The intense melding of allllllllll the prior and post - smashed right into, that moment just before).
And a lot of the time, it's not that moment just before at all. It might just be that I can tell, "She's due for her moment very soon. It's necessary now." And that might be the appearance of some deliciously almost there young thing (assuming she's not so young that I feel icky). Or it might even be a woman in her 20's or 30's who's sheltered herself for whatever reason for far too long. It's not the age that matters so much, it's just far more common that by the time your 40, you've already been... ruined, met that crossroads long ago. So I don't get to view that in your manner. That part that's most omnipotent for me.
And I wonder where that compulsion of mine comes from (incidentally, I very rarely act on it. Probably because I don't want to be the source of ruin, even though I'm just as driven to be her 'savior'). I come from a hella broken family. It's gross and always has been. I'm repulsed by it on many levels. Which has left me a bit of a loner (even though I used to be caught up in the wind of popularity).
I also met infidelity from the very first girl I fell in love with (which happened relatively early in the relationship but I wasn't able to confirm it until months later) and never recovered. I remember suddenly rushing into the shower and scrubbing the shit out of my groin while sobbing hysterically, a day or so after I learned of it. But I couldn't get it off me. And looking back, that was the day I lost my own innocence. That everything I ever believed I could absolutely assure - had already been ruined.
So maybe I see that in a female and believe... 'I need to assure her before it's too late. Before it's all over with. So that WHEN she crosses over. She'll know something certain before that.'
And surely that's just my own ego. I know that. She will encounter and endure whatever is necessary for the path that best challenges her right to live a life of fullfillment. Whatever she "deserves" will be that. I've got little or nothing to do with it. Nevermind my observations.
I should really put a wrap on whatever I'm saying here...
This particular shot. The vast dynamic range of what I see there. There she is, Vulnerability Unbroken - despite all the obvious challenges that lay ahead.
Maybe I'm old enough now that I don't need to "fix it" anymore, or rescue it, pre-empt it, whatever. I caught a kajillion images of brave women of all ages marching in the streets in recent weeks, pounding the drums for the rights of all humanity To Breathe!! And the lot of them, quite honestly, often looked a fuckton more deliberate and emboldened (in various states of brave outrage, fear, physical endurance, even being accosted like a fist to a piece of paper - while remaining resolute in their stance, returning to whatever they meant to defend, unfettered), than the men did.
I'm a very masculine man though not a bully. I'm also borderline misogynist due to my emotionally battered history. And I'm not a fan of the extent to which women appear to feel compelled to "call the shots"; don't quite view that as healthy for us all on the whole. But I will say this:
When you look at a picture like that? You know what it means to be humble. She makes me humble. That right there, is Strength in Vulnerability. Most definitely makes me wanna raise my flag (and I do mean that with a double entendre).
With everything crumbling around us and the tremendous concern as to what lies ahead. If a woman can give us a look like that? Then I don't need to fix nor fury a goddamned thing.
I just need to be with it.
-peace
