Lady Umbra's Bull in a China Shop Written: September 17, 2016
On August 11th, after fumbling around Lady Umbra’s house one too many times and dropping stuff in her kitchen, I was tasked with writing a journal entry describing why I am a bull in a China shop and what I am going to do to not be a bull in a China shop.So the first thing that I need to do is acknowledge my problem. Yes, I am clumsy. I drop things, I bump into things, I bang into people, and I power around without regard for my surroundings. I knock things over. I spill coffee on myself. I break things. I am not careful.This is what I have been like for over 30 years and this is definitely what I was like when Lady Umbra and I first met. It should not come as a surprise to anyone that I have been described as a bull in a China shop on multiple occasions by multiple people over the years.I realized that when Lady Umbra accepted me as her slave and put her three-month training collar on me that some changes in my life would happen. However, I didn’t fully appreciate what they would be. I am now beginning to understand that Lady Umbra is helping me make positive changes in my life to make me a better man and a better slave for her. I am truly grateful to Lady Umbra for her leadership and for these changes.One of the first things that Lady Umbra had me do after being collared on June 17th was to start a food log. Her directive was simple. “Make healthy choices.” At that point in my life, I knew that I was unhealthy. I had been putting on weight for years and by March 2015, while living with the family in England, I tipped the scales at 240 pounds. I was drinking too much English beer, eating too many sausages, and definitely having too much cheese! I had outgrown the size 38 pants and extra large shirts that I brought from home, so I had to go buy new pants, new shorts, and some new shirts while in England. It was not good. I was snoring badly, huffing and puffing up stairs, and unable to motivate myself at all to get fit.Things slowly started to change after meeting Lady Umbra, and then began to change dramatically after Lady Umbra put her collar on me. My first food log entry was on June 19th, and on June 20th I weighed in at 235 pounds. I now weigh 209 pounds. I have had to buy new clothes–twice! And I even took my beautiful double breasted blazer in to be tailored to fit. That blazer fit me years ago, then it was too tight. Now it is too large, so I had it tailored back to fit. I’ll be picking it up soon. I must say, I look pretty sexy in it :-)So what does this say to me? It tells me that a simple directive from Lady Umbra can have far-reaching consequences. I feel a lot better than I did one year ago. I dress better. I look better. That takes care of my physical self for now. Sort of. There is still the bull in a China shop that needs to end. As Lady Umbra has told me, it is simply a matter of mindfulness. Her directive was again simple. “Be mindful.“ Although the directive was simple, it has been rather difficult to put into practice. The first that I need to do is understand precisely what “mindfulness” is. I had never really heard the phrase before, nor had I ever given thought to the fact that I might need to be mindful. So I looked it up. “Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” Well, that certainly tells me something. I know for a fact that I am not always living in the moment. Very often when I am doing a simple task, say like brushing my teeth, I will be thinking about all of the other stuff I need to do. Perhaps I need to do laundry. So what do I do? I walk down to the laundry room while brushing my teeth and start putting laundry into the machine. I end up splattering toothpaste on to myself, and dropping laundry soap on the floor. Previously I attributed it to clumsiness, or more likely, I blamed something else. Damn toothpaste! Damn slippery soap! But what have I just learned? I have learned that I need to be mindful. I don’t need to “multitask” but rather I need to get one job done at a time.Okay, next step. What do I do to make sure that I don’t forget to do the tasks that I am thinking about while doing something else? To put that another way, what do I do about the thoughts that keep me from focusing on the present moment? I start writing down what I need to do. If this is step 1, then I have completed it. I bought a 100 page spiral black notebook from Dollarama that I keep with me at almost all times. I already had some nice pens. And now I make lists. I write down what I need to do. I also bought a day timer. I write down the tasks and appointments for work in my day timer. The other stuff that I need to do goes in the black notebook. I have been doing this for about a week now. Yes, it is helping. I don’t always remember to use it, but I am slowly trying to make sure that it becomes just an accepted part of my routine; namely, I keep my notebook nearby and write down stuff as needed.Lady Umbra also told me about meditation. I had never meditated before. I had always assumed that meditation was something associated with eastern mysticism. The Beatles, Ravi Shankar, and their guru Maharishi meditated. I didn’t meditate! Well, how wrong I was. Meditation was exactly what I needed. I had no idea that those negative ridiculous thoughts that invaded my head could be so easily pushed away. Following Lady Umbra’s advice, I started downloading some apps for my phone: “Take a Break”, “iSleep”, “Calm”, “Pacifica”, and “Zen”. They are really great. I am surprised and delighted what meditation has done for me. I get very stressed and anxious about all sorts of things. When that happens, I turn on one of those apps and I am able to push away thoughts that I don’t need. I am able to re-focus on the moment and get back into a good place. I am not claiming for one moment that I am not still anxious, depressed at times, or stressed. However, I am now beginning to recognize that these things happen to me and I now have, thanks to Lady Umbra, the tools needed to address them. There is still a LOT of work to do. However, to borrow a phrase that I use when teaching, “knowledge is power." And I occasionally use the "fuck that shit” meditation that Lady Umbra played for me from youtube. I think that is awesome.One other thing that I have started to do is yoga. The yogi is an expert in healthy living and is a nutritional consultant. I have only done one class, but I loved it. It is so nice to do something that has the advantage of improving my body awareness. I am really excited about continuing with yoga. And I am planning to spend some more time with the yogi and discuss my own holistic wellness. I want to be in optimal health. I want to choose to live a quality life. I want to be happy. I do not want to be anxious or stressed. I want to be Lady Umbra’s slave. I do not want to be a bull in a China shop.So, in summary, what will I do. I will be mindful, I will make lists, I will meditate, and I will practice yoga. And, in a few months time, I will look back at this journal entry with pride because of the positive changes that have occurred. I will no longer be Lady Umbra’s bull in a China shop. I will be Lady Umbra’s pain pig in a China shop :-) A pain pig who is a delicate butterfly in a China shop!
#Master/slave #powerexchange #bdsm #owned #slavelife #submission
On August 11th, after fumbling around Lady Umbra’s house one too many times and dropping stuff in her kitchen, I was tasked with writing a journal entry describing why I am a bull in a China shop and what I am going to do to not be a bull in a China shop.So the first thing that I need to do is acknowledge my problem. Yes, I am clumsy. I drop things, I bump into things, I bang into people, and I power around without regard for my surroundings. I knock things over. I spill coffee on myself. I break things. I am not careful.This is what I have been like for over 30 years and this is definitely what I was like when Lady Umbra and I first met. It should not come as a surprise to anyone that I have been described as a bull in a China shop on multiple occasions by multiple people over the years.I realized that when Lady Umbra accepted me as her slave and put her three-month training collar on me that some changes in my life would happen. However, I didn’t fully appreciate what they would be. I am now beginning to understand that Lady Umbra is helping me make positive changes in my life to make me a better man and a better slave for her. I am truly grateful to Lady Umbra for her leadership and for these changes.One of the first things that Lady Umbra had me do after being collared on June 17th was to start a food log. Her directive was simple. “Make healthy choices.” At that point in my life, I knew that I was unhealthy. I had been putting on weight for years and by March 2015, while living with the family in England, I tipped the scales at 240 pounds. I was drinking too much English beer, eating too many sausages, and definitely having too much cheese! I had outgrown the size 38 pants and extra large shirts that I brought from home, so I had to go buy new pants, new shorts, and some new shirts while in England. It was not good. I was snoring badly, huffing and puffing up stairs, and unable to motivate myself at all to get fit.Things slowly started to change after meeting Lady Umbra, and then began to change dramatically after Lady Umbra put her collar on me. My first food log entry was on June 19th, and on June 20th I weighed in at 235 pounds. I now weigh 209 pounds. I have had to buy new clothes–twice! And I even took my beautiful double breasted blazer in to be tailored to fit. That blazer fit me years ago, then it was too tight. Now it is too large, so I had it tailored back to fit. I’ll be picking it up soon. I must say, I look pretty sexy in it :-)So what does this say to me? It tells me that a simple directive from Lady Umbra can have far-reaching consequences. I feel a lot better than I did one year ago. I dress better. I look better. That takes care of my physical self for now. Sort of. There is still the bull in a China shop that needs to end. As Lady Umbra has told me, it is simply a matter of mindfulness. Her directive was again simple. “Be mindful.“ Although the directive was simple, it has been rather difficult to put into practice. The first that I need to do is understand precisely what “mindfulness” is. I had never really heard the phrase before, nor had I ever given thought to the fact that I might need to be mindful. So I looked it up. “Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” Well, that certainly tells me something. I know for a fact that I am not always living in the moment. Very often when I am doing a simple task, say like brushing my teeth, I will be thinking about all of the other stuff I need to do. Perhaps I need to do laundry. So what do I do? I walk down to the laundry room while brushing my teeth and start putting laundry into the machine. I end up splattering toothpaste on to myself, and dropping laundry soap on the floor. Previously I attributed it to clumsiness, or more likely, I blamed something else. Damn toothpaste! Damn slippery soap! But what have I just learned? I have learned that I need to be mindful. I don’t need to “multitask” but rather I need to get one job done at a time.Okay, next step. What do I do to make sure that I don’t forget to do the tasks that I am thinking about while doing something else? To put that another way, what do I do about the thoughts that keep me from focusing on the present moment? I start writing down what I need to do. If this is step 1, then I have completed it. I bought a 100 page spiral black notebook from Dollarama that I keep with me at almost all times. I already had some nice pens. And now I make lists. I write down what I need to do. I also bought a day timer. I write down the tasks and appointments for work in my day timer. The other stuff that I need to do goes in the black notebook. I have been doing this for about a week now. Yes, it is helping. I don’t always remember to use it, but I am slowly trying to make sure that it becomes just an accepted part of my routine; namely, I keep my notebook nearby and write down stuff as needed.Lady Umbra also told me about meditation. I had never meditated before. I had always assumed that meditation was something associated with eastern mysticism. The Beatles, Ravi Shankar, and their guru Maharishi meditated. I didn’t meditate! Well, how wrong I was. Meditation was exactly what I needed. I had no idea that those negative ridiculous thoughts that invaded my head could be so easily pushed away. Following Lady Umbra’s advice, I started downloading some apps for my phone: “Take a Break”, “iSleep”, “Calm”, “Pacifica”, and “Zen”. They are really great. I am surprised and delighted what meditation has done for me. I get very stressed and anxious about all sorts of things. When that happens, I turn on one of those apps and I am able to push away thoughts that I don’t need. I am able to re-focus on the moment and get back into a good place. I am not claiming for one moment that I am not still anxious, depressed at times, or stressed. However, I am now beginning to recognize that these things happen to me and I now have, thanks to Lady Umbra, the tools needed to address them. There is still a LOT of work to do. However, to borrow a phrase that I use when teaching, “knowledge is power." And I occasionally use the "fuck that shit” meditation that Lady Umbra played for me from youtube. I think that is awesome.One other thing that I have started to do is yoga. The yogi is an expert in healthy living and is a nutritional consultant. I have only done one class, but I loved it. It is so nice to do something that has the advantage of improving my body awareness. I am really excited about continuing with yoga. And I am planning to spend some more time with the yogi and discuss my own holistic wellness. I want to be in optimal health. I want to choose to live a quality life. I want to be happy. I do not want to be anxious or stressed. I want to be Lady Umbra’s slave. I do not want to be a bull in a China shop.So, in summary, what will I do. I will be mindful, I will make lists, I will meditate, and I will practice yoga. And, in a few months time, I will look back at this journal entry with pride because of the positive changes that have occurred. I will no longer be Lady Umbra’s bull in a China shop. I will be Lady Umbra’s pain pig in a China shop :-) A pain pig who is a delicate butterfly in a China shop!
#Master/slave #powerexchange #bdsm #owned #slavelife #submission
