Matching Fetishes
BDSM relationships exist in the space where peoples’ kinks overlap, like a big Venn Diagram. This may seem obvious, but stay with me:
Many new Doms dictate “Their Rules” to their sub, and many new subs - when asked what they are into - simply say that they enjoy “making their Dom happy”. This often results in a one-sided relationship and with the sub feeling forced into play that makes her feel uncomfortable because neither side has worked to discover their shared fetishes.
So how should it work? It is important for both Doms and subs to understand what they are into. Before you can master others, you must first master yourself; before you can give up mastery over yourself, you must first understand what that is.
This is simple enough to do, although many find it embarrassing: mojoupgrade and similar sites are a good start. Browsing categories on porn sites or Sharesome will often provide this information. You should each write a list of the fetishes which you want to explore.
Once you know what YOU are into, I find it helps to grade them based on how much you enjoy them - the scale I use can be seen in the image.
The next step is to swap lists with your partner(s). If each of you then give your own grade to each of the fetishes in the new list and explain why you have given each fetish it's grade, you will find yourself understanding which fetishes you share with your partner and how to create the best play experience together.
Yours, always;
TheQuietOne
