TheQuietOne in topic BDSM
Feedback in Long-Distance Play
In this internet age, a lot of relationships are long-distance. This could be the result of one party moving away - perhaps for a job, or more commonly due to meeting a new online partner. Today I want you to think about what sort of feedback you give your dom while you are playing online.
Disregarding for now the issue of photographs, I wanted to discuss the sort of verbal feedback I expect from a sub when giving orders without visual aids. As a fairly experienced dom (and partially of my own design) I often come across as knowing a lot, or of mind-reading - as many doms will due to the nature of BDSM - but as I stress outside of play, this is as far from the truth as it could be.
Whenever I give an order to a sub, even if we are playing online, it is difficult for me to gauge what sort of reaction I am creating in my sub. I often wonder if she is enjoying herself, as many women have different reactions to even the same motions. Consider this conversation:
Me: Start rubbing your clit. Slowly, in small, light circles.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Now change direction. Press more firmly, and go much much slower.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Change back again, but even faster and lighter than you were before.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Back to the slow ones again.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Change directions once more, as fast as you can, but so lightly that you are barely even touching…
Sub: Oh, Sir, may I please fuck myself with my dildo?
So what have I learned from this exchange? I know that my sub is obedient, and this is a good thing, but past that… Did she enjoy any of the motions? Did it make her so horny that she wants to fuck herself, or does she just want to move on to something else because this isn’t doing it for her and she’s bored?
These questions have lead me to develop the 5 key areas of feedback I look for my sub to communicate during play:
Physical Feel
Next Steps
Emotional Response
Physical Response
Fantasies
Physical Feel is how it feels to you, and “good” is a swear-word here. Is it satisfying? Teasing? Too gentle or too hard? Relaxing or just awkward? Some motions won’t work for you, and I would rather know than keep you doing something you’re just not into.
Next Steps is one that many subs fear, but should be embraced. Telling me what you want to happen next does NOT mean that you are going to get it - if you are truly worried about ‘overstepping’, then turn it into begging. “I want to go faster, I want to go slower again, I want to put my fingers in because this has made me just so damn horny. I want to go back to the big slow circles because that was making me so fucking wet.” Telling me these sorts of things and why you want them helps me to decide what I want to do next based on the sort of experience I want you to have. You have no idea of knowing if I want to tease you into madness or blow your mind with unending orgasms, and this helps me to achieve that goal.
Emotional Response is how it makes you feel - are you calm or desperate? Do you need more or is it perhaps soothing? Is it building anticipation? Is it difficult for you to stay steady? Why? Why Why? Always tell me: Why?
Physical Response is how the rest of your body is reacting to what you are doing. Are you writhing around? Are your nipples becoming hard, is your pussy becoming wet? Are you curling your toes or crossing your legs and squeezing them tight? Are you panting, moaning, gasping? This can never be conveyed through a photograph and is a very sexy effect to know you are having.
Fantasies - and this does not have to be a whole scene, little snippets can lead in wonderful directions by giving me new inspiration. Tell me all about what you are imagining as I direct you. Perhaps you are imagining me leaning over you, my hand on your throat? Do you imagine yourself on my desk at work touching yourself this way while I half ignore you, or perhaps I’m just busy preparing toys, rubbing lube over something scary-looking...
The first three are the most important areas. These tell me how you are responding to the play that I intend for you to enjoy, whereas the last two are more about showing your enjoyment of the play. I like my subs to try and use one of these areas in response to every order, doing so leads to your dom feeling more engaged with and confident, which in turn leads to better play for the both of you.
So next time you are given an order, consider telling your dom a little more about how it’s affecting your slutty little body.
If you enjoyed this post, please check out my page for more relationship guides and the occasional dirty fantasy.
Yours, always;
TheQuietOne
In this internet age, a lot of relationships are long-distance. This could be the result of one party moving away - perhaps for a job, or more commonly due to meeting a new online partner. Today I want you to think about what sort of feedback you give your dom while you are playing online.
Disregarding for now the issue of photographs, I wanted to discuss the sort of verbal feedback I expect from a sub when giving orders without visual aids. As a fairly experienced dom (and partially of my own design) I often come across as knowing a lot, or of mind-reading - as many doms will due to the nature of BDSM - but as I stress outside of play, this is as far from the truth as it could be.
Whenever I give an order to a sub, even if we are playing online, it is difficult for me to gauge what sort of reaction I am creating in my sub. I often wonder if she is enjoying herself, as many women have different reactions to even the same motions. Consider this conversation:
Me: Start rubbing your clit. Slowly, in small, light circles.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Now change direction. Press more firmly, and go much much slower.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Change back again, but even faster and lighter than you were before.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Back to the slow ones again.
Sub: Yes, Sir.
Me: Change directions once more, as fast as you can, but so lightly that you are barely even touching…
Sub: Oh, Sir, may I please fuck myself with my dildo?
So what have I learned from this exchange? I know that my sub is obedient, and this is a good thing, but past that… Did she enjoy any of the motions? Did it make her so horny that she wants to fuck herself, or does she just want to move on to something else because this isn’t doing it for her and she’s bored?
These questions have lead me to develop the 5 key areas of feedback I look for my sub to communicate during play:
Physical Feel
Next Steps
Emotional Response
Physical Response
Fantasies
Physical Feel is how it feels to you, and “good” is a swear-word here. Is it satisfying? Teasing? Too gentle or too hard? Relaxing or just awkward? Some motions won’t work for you, and I would rather know than keep you doing something you’re just not into.
Next Steps is one that many subs fear, but should be embraced. Telling me what you want to happen next does NOT mean that you are going to get it - if you are truly worried about ‘overstepping’, then turn it into begging. “I want to go faster, I want to go slower again, I want to put my fingers in because this has made me just so damn horny. I want to go back to the big slow circles because that was making me so fucking wet.” Telling me these sorts of things and why you want them helps me to decide what I want to do next based on the sort of experience I want you to have. You have no idea of knowing if I want to tease you into madness or blow your mind with unending orgasms, and this helps me to achieve that goal.
Emotional Response is how it makes you feel - are you calm or desperate? Do you need more or is it perhaps soothing? Is it building anticipation? Is it difficult for you to stay steady? Why? Why Why? Always tell me: Why?
Physical Response is how the rest of your body is reacting to what you are doing. Are you writhing around? Are your nipples becoming hard, is your pussy becoming wet? Are you curling your toes or crossing your legs and squeezing them tight? Are you panting, moaning, gasping? This can never be conveyed through a photograph and is a very sexy effect to know you are having.
Fantasies - and this does not have to be a whole scene, little snippets can lead in wonderful directions by giving me new inspiration. Tell me all about what you are imagining as I direct you. Perhaps you are imagining me leaning over you, my hand on your throat? Do you imagine yourself on my desk at work touching yourself this way while I half ignore you, or perhaps I’m just busy preparing toys, rubbing lube over something scary-looking...
The first three are the most important areas. These tell me how you are responding to the play that I intend for you to enjoy, whereas the last two are more about showing your enjoyment of the play. I like my subs to try and use one of these areas in response to every order, doing so leads to your dom feeling more engaged with and confident, which in turn leads to better play for the both of you.
So next time you are given an order, consider telling your dom a little more about how it’s affecting your slutty little body.
If you enjoyed this post, please check out my page for more relationship guides and the occasional dirty fantasy.
Yours, always;
TheQuietOne
